Updated: Aug 12, 2020
(the following post is a personally detailed account of this past weeks experience from my perspective)
The Substance is burned until nothing remains but ashes.
Anxiety, Loss, and fear of loss and external upheavals
Avoid blaming self or others; Refrain from attempts to explain misfortune
Oh Joy! This week has been an experience of Calcination!
A few weeks ago I had gone to a clients home to service a private session. I shared with her that I was seeking to rent a home and get more rooted since Ive been living on wheels for a few months. It has been a great way to save money and live lightly, but Ive noticed my being wanting to spread out a bit in get into a grounded home space. She exclaimed, she just walked by a home for rent in the neighborhood and called the landlord as I set up for our session. She told me the details, it was a little more that I budgeted by I decided to check it out.
Seeing it, I fell in love! Hardwood floors, working fireplace, on a corner lot with mature landscaping, one block from the water and close enough to continue commuting via bicycle to and from the studio and farmers market and close to my elder neighbor that Ive developed a close relationship with to enjoy my A.M. brew. It seemed to suite all of my desires and more, for a place to call home.
I called upon my sisterhood to see who would be an ideal fit to cocreate this sacred home space. I finally gathered the 3 other women Id be sharing this space with after two other women had come and gone through the application process. We are all independently contracted or self employed. Verifying our income proved to be a challenge.
Meanwhile, I had a flight in a few hours to visit family in CT. I had to send off my tax documents, that I hadn't even received yet (due to accountant filing them improperly) before I left to meet the landlords deadline for income verification. I was able to access the documents online instead of having to wait for them to come in the mail. I sent them out right before I drove to the airport. I also had gotten a notification from the airline stating that check-ins may take longer than usual due to government shut-down. I checked into my flight the day before, so I was all set with that.... but I forgot to print up my boarding pass. Usually I would breeze through and take my carry on luggage, but since I hadn't printed my boarding pass the check-in attendant saw my micro luggage and made me check it in and pay the luggage fee. I left the check in counter, singing... just feeling grateful that I would be seeing my family. Expecting a long line at the security check, due to the government shut down, I continued singing aloud on the shuttle... raising my spirits and hopefully shaking up the frequency of the people around me from the drag of airport monotony. Thankfully the line was short and we all breezed through security swiftly. I got to the gate and they were boarding passengers as I arrived. So we got to leave a little early!
I always feel like the air on planes is a sedative, no matter how alert I am getting on the plane I always get drowsy. I could have done some breathing techniques, but I didn't necessarily want to oxygenate my blood with whatever circulated air was on the plane, lol. I attempted to rest, unsuccessfully. Followed with a great conversation with my neighbor passenger. Sharing our life experience, the song of our spirit and what we enjoy about the warm climate in Florida, that we would soon be far from.
After safely landing, I was reunited with my father. Always good to see his sweet face light up when we are together! I'm definitely a Daddy's girl, he has me and my sister's name tattooed over his heart. (#singlewhitemale in CT btw!, lol my sister and I have been helping him expand his reach of connecting with a female mate that he has been wanting for a while now, he is shy though.)
As I landed, the landlord needed different verification documents.... ugh, the last thing I want to do when I reunited with me family! But... due to the fact I wouldn't be returning to Florida until the 31st, there was no time to delay the return of the documents he needed for the start of our February 1st lease. Also I wanted to make sure he had everything he needed to secure our residency, as some of the women have to be moving out at the end of their Jan 31st lease.
So, after that, I felt secure that landlord had everything he needed and I could enjoy the company of my family, feeling like I would have a place to call home upon my return.
After enjoying the day with my family and feeling ready for a good nights rest, I decided to give the remaining balance due for my Yoga Teacher Training, which I would also be starting Feb 1st, to my YTT Instructor. I know its a lot of things, but sometimes everything happens at once!
The next day I enjoyed reuniting with family I hadn't seen in over a year. We went to a bowling alley, which has always been a family favorite, that had been recently renovated to include an arcade and restaurant inside. The new amenities made for this place to be swamped! The wait for a lane was over an hour and a half!
My mom and I had to use the restroom and the employee pointed to where it was and we ended up behind the lanes and saw how the pins get racked and the balls sent back up the lanes. My mom freaked out and thought we were gunna get in trouble, meanwhile I was fascinated and took video while I was in the restricted area. After I met back up with my mom, we were redirected to where the restrooms were.
The arcade was so busy, kind of exhausting from all the stimulation around but we made the most of it. There was a huge 8' grabber machine that had big bouncy balls for prizes. My dad has always been good with those machines so we recruited him to win the prize. After his failed attempts we decided the game was rigged. A few minutes later we saw one of the "Fun Patrol" filling new balls to put in the machine. My sisters and I decided we would coordinate a scheme to snag one while the employee was filling the machine. He saw me attempting to grab one, so I very conspicuously turned around grab one he was holding while he through another on in the machine. He turned around and said, "fair enough", and let us get away with grabbing one of the balls! We are so mischievous! After paying $40 to play games and getting a return of Smarties candies from the ticket exchange, we got a nice family photo in the photo booth and skipped out on the bowling game. Is was great to see them and love them exactly where they are at!
The next day during lunch with my dad, I was informed that the application for the house was not approved! Ugh... so, back to square 1. That night, I went to bed, asking for clarity from my higher self and spirit guides in dream time, to bring insight into my direction and intentions. I did not rest well. I did not recall any insights that would bring any more ease either.
The next morning my instructor informed me that I sent the money to an account that wasn't linked to anything! Fortunately, she was able to link the account so she could get her payment and I still get the early bird rate for the training.
Now, Im in a place of surrendering again to what may be. Feeling confident in what possibilities could be in store for my home to be.
The process of Calcination can feel rough, tight, restrictive, scary and anxious. This too has come to pass, only ashes remain of what was my would be future. I surrender and feel confident that I am fully aligned with what is wholly right and divine for me!
So mote it be, what is Fully aligned with all that I Be in this moment of my Existency!