Updated: Aug 12, 2020
So, recently I made the intention to radical self responsibility, as I shared in a FB post to the New Moon Ecstatic Dance St. Pete:
“Greetings of Humility and Gratitude, In alignment with the “New Beginnings” Id like to invite everyone into something I am needing support with.... sorry means admitting mistakes and making the changes to correct them. I know this may seem like an insurmountable task(or maybe it seems easy), though we are the only ones that are responsible for the mess on Earth we’ve created. I take complete responsibility for my part in the dissonance of a harmonious, sustainable life on Earth. I have used non-renewable resources, I have bought countless single use plastic items, taken for granted the resources available and been lulled into a life of “comfortable” living. Though there really is no comfort in it. There are so many things that humanity has achieved that were once thought “impossible”. I invite you, I challenge you into the practice I am embarking upon. Radicle Self Responsibility for the mistakes that have enabled dissonance with our living breathing body(bodies), the Earth and recalibrate ourselves to the peace, love and harmony with the Earth and surrendering all things that do not serve this. Cutting the chord of politics that do not enable community and sustainability to thrive. Embodying our relationships and responsibilities as conscious consumers cocreators. This will look different as each of us has a unique role to play. Honor Thy Mother(Earth), Thy Father(Sun) and the changing of tides(Moon). One Love. One Body. One Temple. One Earth.”
Since writing that, I’ve explored my sense of play, sensuality, deepening of relating to myself and others, myself as others and others as myself, the no self and the Know Self. I have also been called into deepening my authenticity and communication. Its amazing the shift that can happened when we share ourselves, or when we are open to receiving another. I feel like I have learned so much by interacting more openly with myself and others. This quality of saying Yes to Life has been a gift. Another gift is saying No, when that feels correct, and learning through the edges of dishonor within myself and others as I am tested by the winds of change to strengthen my trunk (My Core Values, Beliefs and Practices). I also am ready to show my shit, so to speak. Likely wont subject you to images of my feces.
So my roommate and I decided to do an Oxy Powder colon cleanse. This happens to be coinciding with my moon that I started Sunday, September 1. I decided I was going to do this and then soon later also heard from RasaLila Astrology that this Virgo New Moon is a good time for cleansing rituals. As I trace the source(s) of my consumption, I observe the patterns that arise.
I went to CVS for a bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide, because I was going to make my own denture cleaner. My mom has a set of dentures and she mentioned that she started just brushing hers, and then she bought an over the counter denture cleaner and that made a big color distinguishment. So, I wondered what at home ingredients could be just as effective. I looked online for a recipe which required baking soda, that I had and hydrogen peroxide, which I did not have. I was going to ask one of my roommates to use some of theirs, if they had any, though I knew I was going to use regularly, so I decided to invest in a bottle. I went for an nice bike ride to Bear Creek Park, near my house. I enjoyed observing the wildlife and sat in silence for some time, observing the contrast in the wildlife sounds and the sounds of the city. From there I rode to CVS for the one item (hydrogen peroxide). I was clear to ask the cashier when I first walked in, Where the hydrogen peroxide was, so that I didn’t catch any distractions. On the way there I passed by the ice cream, which caught my eye. I overcame that obstacle and went straight for what I came for. On the way into the store I had seen this elder (maybe 60+yo), I admired his long silver hair. When I got to the register he was in front of me again. This time I admired his tied-dye calf socks and patterned sneakers. I told him, I appreciated his foot gear. He said Oh you like my feet? I said, I don’t know what your feet look like, but I like your foot gear. He told me the brand of the sneakers, “äztec”, and I can buy them online. The socks he got in GulfPort, FL.
I stood behind him in the check out line, and the Thai Coconut m&ms caught my eye, and on top of that, they were buy one/get one 50% off. I hardly hesitated to grab two bags. I also did not even take a moment to look at the ingredients to remind myself of why I would normally not buy these. (Reason I do not recommend purchasing m&ms: They are a Mars Wrigley company contributing to the deforestation of protected forests in Ghana, they use unsustainabley harvested palm oil, they include food coloring in their products and other artificial flavors and also because they are partially produced with genetic engineered ingredients.) So, after the battle of distractions, I would be making it out of the store with three items and a lesson of my habitual behavior of distraction and carelessness. Arg! Two more items than I planned for, though accepting grace and momentary peace with my decision. At CVS they ask if you have a “care rewards card” and I usually type in my phone number. When the receipt printed, it was literally the length of my open arms span! I said This is crazy, is there an option to not have a receipt printed? He said No, they cant do that or change the options on the register. I expressed my concern and frustration and asking for him to relate with the madness I was feeling. He did mention I could go online and have the receipts emailed. I thought about the people who don’t even have a “care card” or may not think to have their voice heard on the matter to enable change. As I expressed my opinion on the matter, the person behind me said, They’re gunna keep assaulting you, whenever you come in here. I didn’t ask him to elaborate.
I felt unsure about what he said. On initial interpretation, I thought the universe was showing this response as me getting the m&ms (me overstepping my own boundary), though I haven’t come to a conclusion about it.
Leaving the store, on the way to my bicycle, I saw the older gentleman that was in front of me in line and before me upon entering the store. He was driving an older pickup truck, and had a pitbull in his passenger seat. He pulled up to me and handed me two business cards and said he is a painter. I looked at the card and it had a dog on the side he handed me, similar markings as the one in the passenger seat. I asked if that was the dog in the painting though he said, Not the same. His canine companion leaned over him to greet me. I pet the canine and asked for the pups name, which I cant recall, and I then asked what his name was, with my right hand reaching for his, He said Phil. I told him about my Mother who plans to move here soon and he mentioned that his pup needs someone to trim his nails.
I will give this opportunity to my neighbor for now, as she lives right next door to me and is available and seeking work with animals in the area at the moment.(Contact me if you know anyone who needs dog walking or dog/cat caring)
I have to admit this is the second time I’ve gone to CVS in the last few months(3-4) and the last time I did I also got an enormously long sheet of non-recycled receipt paper. I privately expressed my frustration to my partner about this matter. I did not immediately follow through with own my suggestion.
Though this time I felt very motivated. When I got home I called the CVS customer support. I asked them the same questions as the sales clerk and told them, that I can not continue as a customer because of the length of their receipts. (I did not mention, the food/product that could be made use of that they “through away” everyday, and possibly other unsustainable business practices, that which I haven’t actually investigated.) The women on the phone said that I can change my account to not get printed receipts, which means I am required to type in my phone number associated with these preferences whenever I am buying anything there. I said, What about the people who are not signed up with the “care card”, she said, They have no options to have no receipt printed. She said she filed my complaint and hopes to keep me as a customer. I can not say now, whether I will ever shop there again, though I will be returning the (one remaining) bag of m&ms. Every day I am becoming more and more aware of the consumption and discovering new ways of balance that feel correct for me, and hopefully you're experiencing your own unique quality of reclamation, or feeling ever present in your divine balance!
As I share this journey with everyone, I invite you to offer suggestions or tips that you already have been practicing, so to support more people like myself, and it is my hope and intention that me sharing my experience, offers some connection to truth for the good and balance of life on Earth.
Here are some journal prompts (excerpted The Empowerment Manual, A Guide for Collaborative Groups By: Starhawk) that may inspire deep reflection on what your values are and if you are holding yourself to them.
Process Accountability Questions:
~What di I feel I'm doing well in the group?
~Where an I feeling challenged around the group's work or process?
~Where do I need to step up more? What is my growing edge?
~In what ways do I help the group to function more effectively? In what ways do I generate conflict or discord?
~What kind of support do I need to be more effective in my communications?