Updated: Aug 12, 2020
W0W! Last night as the countdown into 2020 began, I found myself reflecting on this past year, the obstacles overcome and celebrations rejoiced! I feel so blessed to be alive in this time! In deep gratitude for all the loving support from my people! I also felt the calmness and silliness of each second being called- coming closer to 2020, saying, "is it now yet?", like a child asking, "are we there yet?".
A seed with great anticipation of a new experience and yearning to grow into the sun. It requires a tender squeeze of pressure in the dark for that seed to sprout through the soil to see the light of day. Savoring the wisdom learned from past experience and sitting in the garden planting seeds of intent for what feels like meaningful experience to come, discerning what nurtures things to grow strong and releasing what is not helpful. Its been an edge to return to my blog shares, so may this be received with an open heart, and know that these are just my insights for this moment. It will be up to you to decide what lands with you well, and which ones set you free.
These past few months I had an inward focus... and also doing some outward exploring (I do like a little inney-outey haha). I've been investing my energy in exploring the modalities of self discovering that I resonate with, some of which including social relating. I have been doing this for a lifetime now, though I felt a stronger urgency, possibly relating to the need for personal inquiry, post the 2019 vehicle accidents. I got a numerology reading from Sharon at Sharmick Treasures, and learned of my "karmic debts". I also received a Astrology Birth Chart reading, learning about my personal relational constellations from Caroline Peters of White Wolf Mystic. I dove into my Archetypal Wheel, learning how Caroline Myss distinguishes which archetypes show up as "me", and what roles each of them play out in my life. I have an appointment to get an Akashic Reading with Alma, as I have every 6 months or so for the past few years, supporting me to connect with my guides and enabling my evolutionary awareness. There are always more questions that can be asked, and realizations to be had. Its a balance of boundlessness and limitation, knowing eternity and dancing in reality. I am experiencing the importance of structure, form and the material world in my life as I continue to stay present with my spiritual, emotional, mental and physical goals. There are cycles in life where Ive felt it would benefit to have structure and then again will come the cycle of freedom. Though it is an art form Im practicing, in order to master a structure that enables freedom in flow. When discipline is practiced a new language can emerge from the space between. Without discipline chaos ensues, (which is another just as valuable way of existing, though not one Im resonating with at the moment).
I was thinking about the word addiction. I have witnessed a lot of what has been labeled as addiction in my life, and likely have lived a life of what may appear as addictive behavior in some cases. Addiction is a pattern that continues to repeat not only mentally and emotionally though physically as well. If an "addict" is to stop doing the thing that had been repeated over and over, they would then be "cured" of the addiction. 4:44pm
Though without the awareness into transition, one may repeat one pattern in order to replace it for another- in the case of drug use turned to gym use. Just another vice to keep spirit bracketed into a certain way of being. For spirit to move freely and feel a sense of renewal for the mind, emotions and body, change must take place. This is why I say the need for structure is important for freedom. If we can create guidelines for ourselves to explore (a container of safety) and continue to come back and evaluate ourselves, we allow ourselves the opportunity to be current, and in the flow, with our expansive nature. This is also why transforming our addictions can also support enlightenment, for each time we realize the ability for change, we are affirmed in our union with our eternal and temporary nature.
This has been my personal experience through relationships as well. It is vital to meet each person we know, again and again, as if for the first time. This enables us and them, to be present with current feelings in the moment and not trapped by how we have viewed or judged them in the past, or how they have viewed themselves, from our past experiences or relationship with them. This kind of presence, I feel, can heal any relationship.
“When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth...... But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself." But if you love and must have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.”
Looking back on my 2019 goals, I never imagined how I would meet them all, miraculously the accidents I had actually supported me in that process. May you have faith that your intentions are pure and supporting the expanse of your unique essence to be seen, felt and heard in this world, enabling you to reach your goals- for your goals are an expression the Divine would like to experience through you.
I still envision a place to call home with another. I know myself and feel ready to rise in love as destiny will allow.
I like you, I love you.
May We Rise In Love